A poem in dispraise of Christmas They came upon the midnight – clear As bottled beer I swear, A band of angels drawing near And hovering...

A poem written to disprove G.K. Chesterton’s assertion that the poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese From time...

An example of pretentious tosh in the shape of a review of a TV or radio soap opera or any other piece of entertainment aimed at the mass...

A dialogue between two parts of oneself at odds with each other Although you’re out of sight I know you’re there. Let’s form a coalition,...

A short story entitled ‘The Day of Doom’. Wrongly condemned, Cecelia sank to her knees and bowed her head to the block. At the foot of...

A poem in praise of a bodily part that has been overlooked by poets Shall I compare thee to the Pearly Gates? No pearls thy heavenly...

A poem using the title of a well-known novel Oh Carol, what a day it was – a truly dreadful day With Darryl and Kate, your parents, mine,...

A bedroom scene written by a novelist who would not normally venture into such territory ‘The going will be slow – and fiendishly hard,’...

A poem written in the metre of Longfellow’s ‘The Song of Hiawatha’ describing Hiawatha’s experiences at his computer Proud to own a...

A tongue-twisting limerick When slick Mick mocks Max, Max mocks Mick, To mock makes the two of them tick. Though it’s trivial and trite...

A news bulletin on the outcome of the 2010 general election delivered by a well-known figure from history Behold there were three: Hope,...

Invent new social types for the current decade Costaways: teenage students on pointless, impractical and unprofitable university or...

A poem that might have been included in T.S. Eliot’s ‘Old Possum’s Book of Practical Dogs’ Hieronymus Hound has his nose to the ground...

The views of an inanimate object, in verse, on its owner You’re clearly narcissistic. You’re the soul of vanity. You gaze at me for hours...

The publicity blurb for an implausibly titled but real book, ‘I Was Tortured by a Pygmy Sex Queen’ Emerging unscathed from Sexton’s...

A dialogue in verse between a well-known writer and one of his or her creations ‘Oh why did you snaffle my toes When I once had twice...

A competition loser’s lament Oh dire day! Oh cruel fate! Immersed in overwhelming grief I weep into my handkerchief And rue my sad and...

A poem bemoaning the general decline in the standards of literacy incorporating the words: – elicit, illicit, lessen, lesson,...

A classified advertisement which is unlikely to elicit a response Jumbo GooGun – the easy-to-use, sure to amuse Toddlers’ ‘Toy of the...

A poem by a well-known poet retracting something said in a previous poem Though I vow that once we met, I now confess that I was lying,...