Bad Romance

A seriously misguided love poem likely to repel rather than attract

Dearest love, fear not, I’m coming, Hammer-like my heart is drumming, Rapture surges through my plumbing, Pipes engorged with raging sap, Sap which you could be immersed in, Liquid lust within me bursting, Nectar to assuage your thirsting, Come, my sweet, and turn the tap! Those who’ve chosen to resist me, Unaccountably dismissed me, Might have witnessed, had they kissed me, Passion pouring from my font, Now, no part of me concealing, All my manliness revealing, Take me, and you’ll soon be feeling More than you could ever want.