First Or Last

An appallingly comical first or final paragraph from the memoirs of a well-known figure

I dare, with both hindsight and foresight, boldly proclaim that I, notwithstanding my humble beginnings, have not only reaped richly deserved approbation but shall, after my tragic passing when all shall weep inconsolably, be remembered and revered for a very long time to come. For it was in those humble beginnings spent at the loom that I did learn how to hone the weave and weft of beautiful words. Oft did I astonish the spellbound crowds with my recitations, so much so that they, lacking provision of bouquets, cast whatever they could on the stage to shower me with adulation. Revered by royalty and ruffians alike, I bequeath you a legacy unsurpassed and plead with you not to grieve over my grave. Rather rejoice that the angels will greet me at heaven’s portal and not for a brief time but time immortal, delight to hear me recite my sublime rhyme.

(William MacGonagall)