Gizza job

An application for an inappropriate job written by a character from a poem

Dear Sir/Madam,

Having considered the attributes required for your vacancy (sensitivity, youthful appearance, unobtrusive manner, non-threatening presence, ability to listen empathetically and attentively to others without interrupting or imposing one’s own views, etc.), I have no hesitation in applying for the post of Counsellor. Indeed, I was recently privileged to counsel a wedding guest who was clearly dumbfounded by my performance.

My experience to date is astounding and too involved to be included here. Suffice to say I have travelled the world and learned much which I shall gladly reveal in gripping and graphic detail when interviewed.

If you should appoint me, and pray heaven you will, I swear by my glittering eye neither you nor your clients will ever regret having me on board. As God is my witness, I am your man. Hear me out and I shall serve you well. Interminably yours, The Ancient Mariner.