Growing Pains

An extract from the diary of a famous historical figure

1856, June 29. Confusing month. Spent sixteenth birthday pondering, under the greenwood tree (good title for a novel?). Decided to grow a moustache. Dorchester celebrations on the 20th – Chinese lanterns, flags, battle re-enactments etc., but no sighting of red-haired Lizbie, lovely Louisa or ‘lady on horseback’. (She would have noticed my moustache!) After that the 21st, the longest day of the year, especially in Bockhampton fondling my upper lip and feeling nothing but fluff. There must be some lotion, somewhere, to speed up moustaches. And, today, a stroll along Dorchester’s South Walk wearing my new broad-collared shirt and artistic cravat in the hope of espying ‘lady on horseback’ but no luck! Still, no harm done – hoping it might be so (possible last line for a poem?). Must try writing, someday, when my full-grown moustache attracts, if not three, at least two willing women.

(Thomas Hardy)