Inconsequential

An extract from a bodice-ripping romance containing half a dozen pieces of inconsequential information

‘Hark! Hark! The lark,’ (as in songbird rather than horseplay) was what Patience chose to sing. Watching her slender fingers caress the keys of the upright piano, (recently tuned by a local firm), Ernest dreamed of those fingers, one day, caressing him. His eyes, (examined each year by a Chinese optician), were drawn to her bosom which swelled as she sang ‘Arise, arise,’ arousing in Ernest demonic desires. No wonder Patience, (whose Aunt was partial to poached eggs for breakfast), attracted him so. It was later, together alone on the terrace, that Ernest revealed what he felt he could no longer hide. In the light of the moon, (as yet to be reached by Apollo 11), he held her closely, quelling her half-hearted protests by whispering, ‘Quiet, woman,’ (which was, incidentally, the name of a nearby Public House). Thus, wrapped in that warm embrace, their passionate romance began.