Modern Muses

A passage describing nine muses for the 21st century to replace the classical muses, Cleo, Urania, Calliope, Melpomene, Euterpe, Erato, Tepsicore, Thalia and Polyhymnia

Although their names resemble those of the classical muses their roles differ greatly. Clara preserves prime ministers’ wives with cosmetic gurus and fashion consultants to cover the scars inflicted by feral beasts. Ursula aims to ensure Big Brother celebrity stars are forever remembered and Colleen, liker of language, makes certain that ‘like’ is like never left out of like any sentence. Melanie, belle of the bobbin, produces an endless supply of political spin while Pro-European-Song-Contest, Eunice, delights us with lasting lyrics and memorable music. Erica, pure as the driven snow, drives smokers out into the cold, and tough-on-crime but saintly Teresa winks her sharp ‘Truvelo’ eye at every errant motorist flashing past. Thelma slowly thaws to keep us ever mindful of melting icecaps and, finally, comes kind, consoling Polly, keen to comfort by reminding us, in troubled times, to put the kettle on.