The canon sometimes gabbled and, instead of ‘Let us pray’, He’d blurt out something similar but more like ‘lettuce spray’. For spraying...

Repentance is a funny thing, we promise every week To live the new and godly life that all good men should seek, But never live it ‘ever’...

For Meg the annual choir-do turned out to be a killer: Arriving late the one seat left was right behind a pillar, Every year Meg came...

Young Roger was a businessman, Never ‘Can I?’ More ‘I can.’ He drank his lemon minus lime, Since adding lime would waste more time. Roger...

Jim found the Te Deum a tedious trial And, sad though it seems, it’s beyond all denial. The words were all right. They were cheerful...

To open each service, the vicar would start By thanking God keenly with all of his heart. The poor congregation could never be sure When...

Matthew was an honest man: a truly truthful fella. But, on the way to church one day, he borrowed an umbrella. Caught in rain, without a...

“No more!” the curate whispered, “Or you’ll put me on the spot. The sentence ‘Drink ye all of this’ Does not mean drink the lot!”

Toby loved his local church; a ‘regular’ was he, No one could accuse the man of inconsistency And, when the collection plate appeared, he...

The organist suddenly started to weep As he played through a fugue in E flat. Why is it,” he whimpered, “as soon as I play People think...

Needing to increase the size Of weekly congregations, The vicar said, “We must devise A few more celebrations. Harvest festivals succeed...

Harold hated finding hymns, He’d hear “Hymn 92” But by the time he’d found the page They’d all but sung it through. To find the collects...

The rector, with a solemn face, stood up to have his say. “Dear friends,” he said, “how sad we are to gather here today. Our dear...

Young Billy was sitting in church with his mum, Excited at what lay in store For today was the day when the bishop would come And he’d...

“God moves in a mysterious way His wonders to perform” And, oddly, too his sheep can stray A little from the norm. Take that one, in the...

The sidesman was always impeccably dressed, Small wonder he turned up his nose When a stranger appeared in an old, string-necked vest And...

At eight o’clock communion the silence was intense: A holy calm in which the slightest cough might cause offence, And into this stepped...

Though Tom was fond of Evensong And welcomed God’s Good News, He found the sermons rather long And sometimes had a snooze. He sat amidst...